He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
