I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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