There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
