I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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