Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
