I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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