O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
