I want to walk on stilts...naked
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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