she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
