anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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