Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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