I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
