one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
