She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
