It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
