It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
