Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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