Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
