The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
