i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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