You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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