I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
