Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
