Don't make out with my wife yet
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
