Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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