I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
