I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
