You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
