I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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