just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
