if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
