Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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