no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
