dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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