I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize