My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I checked into jail on foursquare
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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