why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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