I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
