I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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