it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
