So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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