I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
