hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
