feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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