so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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