i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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