Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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