Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
