you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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