Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
