you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
