not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
