I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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