One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
