At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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