so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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