I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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